take the help

WHEN MOM IS THE ONE IN NEED

Why as mothers do we avoid the help when someone offers? Three words for ya, TAKE THE HELP! There are authentic truths and meanings behind “It takes a village!”

We aren’t warriors, take the damn help! We already birthed them, what more do we have to prove to ourselves??

I wish I would have done this with kiddo #1! I’m finally not feeling as guilty taking people up on their offers with 3 kids! Heck, more often than not I’m reaching out for it!

Once I realized that if I was being a burden to my mother-in-law and mother, they would say NO. I’m not saying ditch your kids every moment you can, we’re likely the most important person in their lives. {Whether they realize it or not when they turn 12 ?} It’s ok to accept help even though it can be hard to let go of some control and vulnerability. 

My mom finally made it clear to me she enjoys spending time with my kiddos. Yes, she likely told me this a million times, but my guilt was screaming too loudly for my heart to let her words sink in. So really, we’re sharing the “joys” our kids can bring with others. In turn, that makes those helping us, helping them as well. I’d call that a win-win, sister!

But when you need a few hours to run errands, rather than hauling them all over with you and making it take 3x longer to get stuff done, or when its freezing outside or hotter than blazes to take them with you – ASK FOR HELP!  

 

MY OTHER HALF

For those of you who don’t know me well. I’m married to a hog farmer. If you aren’t familiar with farming, Ryan isn’t just looking after a few hog buildings. There’s no time clock to punch in and out. He’s part-owner of a large (for our area) livestock and crop operation. They grind and deliver feed, sort/load and haul loads of hogs, haul manure (pig poo for the ground is liquid gold), building maintenance, equipment repair. In the winter there is moving snow at multiple sites and for landlords…you name it. They are busy.

The operation “we” are a part of has row crops. So Ryan’s busy 10 months out of the year away from the house. There’s a small break here and there, not like 2 solid months off. That just means he might come in the house by 6 pm for a few days a week within those 2 months. HA!

Some of us compare it to being married to someone in the military. Or being a single parent, since most days the kids might only see Ryan for an hour or so. I’m in no way saying it is the same as having a loved one deployed or doing this mom thing completely solo, just similar.

When I first became a parent, I was determined to “do everything right” and go “by the book.” Not only was I going to be a superwife, but also a supermom. And then I realized parenting is hard. It’s important to remember that when others offer their help there is an uplifting power in accepting it. 

 

WE’RE HUMAN WE CAN’T DO IT ALL 

So when we need to get something done that are musts like groceries, most times ALL the kids are with me. Or I make a grocery run over my lunch or while the girls are at an activity at night. Since 98% of the time, it’s me running everyone where they need to be. This is the life I signed up for, I’m not complaining. I’m explaining.

Time for personal wellness? Some would say, what is that? I don’t have time for that, I barely can get a shower each day. Truth: you just make it work.

If you don’t plan for it, it ain’t gonna happen sister. Put it on your calendar, commit yourself. You are worth it.

If it is important to you, you will make it work and you will find the time. Sometimes all it entails is setting down that phone from aimlessly scrolling social media or binging Netflix and decide to read a book or do a quick workout in your living room. Just saying, look for at what you are doing with your time and see if you could be doing something you find more value in.

take the help

 

LIGHTENING THE LOAD

For example, if you are similar to me and are the lead parent at bedtime routine by getting their clothes out the for the next day, reading them each a book and tucking them in. Then some nights you could pose to your other half that you are going to walk on the treadmill and suggest that they put the kids to bed. Same as sharing them with the grandparents or aunts or neighbors that might help you out. Those kids might LOVE Dad switching it up and doing the bedtime routine….and you will love having a little “me” time. (Without having to be up all night losing out on your sleep. During your waking hours pencil in some time for you!)

Get creative with your tasks that you can delegate from time to time. Life is hard and none of us are immune to tragedy or difficult times, so it’s vital to accept help to aid in making you feel a little more empowered to be a great parent. As mothers, sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and try to appear like we have it all together. We want to appear that way as if we have it all under control while our insides are screaming “HELP ME!” Alleviating that pressure comes with saying yes. Accepting that help shouldn’t make you feel weak or powerless instead it should make you feel energized because someone offered to “lighten your load.”

 

ACCEPTING HELP IS HARD-DO IT ANYWAY

Sometimes putting on that brave face and pretending everything is ok isn’t actually helping you. Taking that route can lead to having your insides ate up and eventually hurting you more eating you. The path to accepting help and admitting you can’t do it all can be a real struggle. Peeling back the layers and opening yourself up, and being willing to accept help can open so many new doors and creates your very own “village.”

PLEASE PLEASE be open here, don’t take me the wrong way and think I’m telling you to check out of mama-hood. Call it Tuesday’s to start out. Or one Saturday a quarter or month you go get a massage or time with gal pals. I don’t know what you want more of in your life for personal satisfaction, so you can fill in the blank. I’m here reinforcing that you NEED that time to recharge so you can fill your bucket back up to keep giving that love out. 

As long as you are being fair to those around you, this should even strengthen your relationship with your partner. They will see the happier you come out and will likely welcome that side to come out more often.

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