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perfect doesn’t exist

Hello you! Are you searching for perfection? Always to come up disappointed that (whatever it was) didn’t live up to your expectations? Who doesn’t want the perfect everything? Well, perfect doesn’t exist. 

IMPERFECTION IS UNIVERSAL, BEAUTIFUL AND OKAY

This video was totally pulling right out of my inner voice. Once again Mel Robbins nails it by uncovering my insecurity of needing to reach perfection. It protects my self-esteem from criticism, avoids the shortfall of disappointment from others. I’ve totally built myself up as being an only child but yet the youngest of 6, yeah 6 half-sibs/step sibs…(ya know it’s sad when I have to count in my head my Brady Bunch family, but you know I’m good with that.) I no longer feel ashamed I didn’t grow up in the “perfect” family of un-divorced parents yadda yuck-

My childhood has framed me into the woman that way that I am today. I have learned a TON from my past, and I pride myself on qualities that have made me who I am today. Some strengths I’ve adapted from my childhood are my strong work ethic, being a developer, harmonizer, and very empathetic towards others.

{To find your top strengths you can purchase Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath (you want a new one, not used) and read about 10 pages. Take the online quiz with your access code from the book (this is why you want a new version so you have the personalized code).

I had to take this for work and after 4 years I’m finally “getting” what Developer means and how it truly is my #1 strength. It’s amazing to see what others are dreaming up, how they pull it out of them and rock it out of the park.  There was a little sadness and denial when I saw “organizer” wasn’t in my top 5! It’s gotta be like #6 though… Just gotta be. Lol}

  

PERFECTION IS NOT A REALITY

So back to perfection. Get some clarity over yourself and realize is it important to strive for perfection? What happens once you’ve achieved it anyway? You’ll find something else to obsess over.

Take prom for instance. All the hype leading up to that big high school milestone. You search for the perfect dress, your date to match, the perfect vehicle to take, etc etc. But if you were anything like me, you were totally bummed when it was over because of all the energy and constant thought that went into it. Did I even appreciate the journey leading up to prom? That was the real fun. So many miles put on our vehicles driving to a bigger town every week to tan with your friends (…or multiple times), getting our nails done, setting up multiple hair appointments.

Pictures as groups, the dinner as a big group, okay yes I’ll always remember the blasts on the dance floor belting out Paradise by the Dashboard Lights by Meatloaf…ah such a classic! You too? Well, anyway, by then I wasn’t even wearing shoes, I could care less what my hair looked like anymore. My makeup probably looked similar to a raccoon from the amount of sweat I had aspired from dancing like I was at a night club! LOL 

{Okay if you know me it doesn’t even take that much dancing to get sweaty but that’s another issue.} 

 

DON’T PRETEND TO BE ANYONE YOU’RE NOT

When we’re young we have tons of energy, things are new and exciting, and we care about what people think. As we get older all those superficial little details mean a lot less. It becomes more about being surrounded by the ones you love and who love you in return. There’s a strange but liberating feeling at how good it feels to not give a f$%k about everything. Life is what it is. We realize we may never be able to jump on a trampoline post-kids without peeing ourselves. We probably won’t find the cure for cancer, but we’ll surely hope and pray daily that someone can find the cure SOON. Our body figure may not mimic J.LO or have tits like Kim Kardashian, BUT that’s OK! Life Goes on. The simplification of our families, friends, hobbies, your 5K PR is astonishingly enough, and that’s pure happiness. 

Don’t drive yourself nuts trying to reach perfection. You don’t need the Chip & Joanna Gaines perfectly decorated and cleaned house or the most brilliant children. Enjoy everyday, enjoy all the mess, laugh a lot, travel more, have fun, and make memories. Your kids’ childhood is fleeting. There are bigger issues in the world beyond boogers, slime, spilled milk or dirt. Life is an emotional rollercoaster full of tears, tantrums, I love you’s and breaking out in kitchen dance parties to relieve all the guilt, stress and responsibility of life. And that’s what memories and life need to consist of! 

 

HAPPIEST VERSION OF YOURSELF

happiest version of youStart peeling yourself like an onion and take things as they come. You don’t always have to behave the way you always have. TRUTH!! Ya just have to snap yourself out of your shit. Tell yourself that you’re sick of your self-destructive crap! 

The speed at which your life passes by and how fast your kids grow up shocks most parents. We don’t want to look back and see how much we’ve missed or how we focused on the wrong. Sometimes we need to stress on all the good we are doing for our family, how much we are taking care of ourselves, and spending a large amount of family time.

Live life more in the flow rather than black and white. Learn how to not sweat the small stuff. Find out what works for you and your family and carve your path in that direction. Everything is a lesson or a blessing and you don’t have to be a victim of your own circumstances. Anytime you are managing a family, children, husband, work, church, activities….shit gets rough! Love yourself first. Leave people better than you found them.  

 

JUST LIKE FROZEN, LET IT GO!

So guess what? After 30+ years I’ve let go of perfect. Holidays and my kids’ childhoods are going to be whatever they want them to be. Not picture-perfect images I had in my head of them going (then be let down when it didn’t). By letting the cards fall how they may, I smile a whole heck of a lot more. Maybe it took having baby #3 and chilling out. Dunno. But I love it!

I’ve let go of doing things just to please others. If I don’t want to do it, I’m not going to give up my precious time for it. Therefore saying NO more often and not tiptoeing around with, “well, umm maybe not now” or my fav “oh I would love to…BUT maybe next time” Just SAY NO AND MEAN IT. Simple as that.

Because I’m letting go of it, I nitpick less at Ryan and the kids…yes, I still lose my shit when their messes sit for way too long around the house but that’s a declutter OCD rather than perfection. {10 step process right? Hey, I’m getting there! lol} Just like the movie Frozen, let it go! Seriously let that shit go!

 

What is one area you could let go of perfection? At work? At home? In a relationship or event? Pick one, start small, it will naturally carry over to the others. Trust me, ya just got to be ready to ditch your shit and get over yourself. Kick yourself out of your brain and wake up to see who your high perfect standards are pushing back down rather than raising up.

 

Enjoy your life you were given, ya only got one all un-perfect and all.