control the controllables
How much energy do we waste, speaking of myself, on trying to “correct” “fix” “change,” (call it what you want to call it), things that we have absolutely no control over? Rather, focus on the positives and what controllables you can have an impact on.
For instance, does it matter if your husband put the Tupperware lids in a space they have never lived before? Even when it took you so long to find that you needed you resorted to using a completely different container! Frick no! Shesssh at least we’ve finally got him emptying the dishwasher on occasion! One eight-year earth shift at time girlfriend!
Sometimes it seems us women have been set up for some disappointment, as not every man is the spitting image of Nicholas Sparks movies. You know, the hours and hours we spent watching those lovey-dovey chick flicks! Tears in our eyes, butterflies in our stomachs, and nothing but hopes and dreams of finding a man just like that! Well if it was only just that simple!!
FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL TAKES POWER FROM OUR CONTROLLABLES
Are those “heat of the moment issues” worth it, even if they aren’t in my control? Like the ones I’ve bitched him out on several occasions for small, minor issues. Maybe if I’d just chill out and think, is it really worth it? Is it worth the resentment he’ll have over me? Sometimes that resentment will last for the moment, the entire day into the night and likely the next morning? Is it controllable for me to change?
Then to continue to piss me off because he doesn’t care, so it fuels my fire for other issues. Like when I feel like “the maid” and wonder how no one else can take 5 seconds to do help pitch in themselves? Okay, just me? Lol. My confession session.
No, Dawn, they haven’t been worth it to ruin your mood. It’s not worth it to carry over to the kids, coworkers, my mom when she calls. Shit, these people were all innocent bystanders that didn’t deserve my snippy comments.
The controllable is how I respond to these different situations.
Focusing on what we can’t control often takes our attention and energy away from what you can control. Think positive instead of negative and focus on the controllables in your life… T he brutal truth in life is accepting that we don’t have control over many things we’d like to. We can’t stop the storm from coming, but we can modify how we prepare for that storm. So, when that Tupperware lid is missing, the toilet seat is left up, your on your 18th load of laundry for the day, and the dishwasher needs emptying – try to remember to focus on the positive not the negative. Dry to mind what is in my control? Be happy your alive, breathing well, and your surrounded by people you love and who love you.
REMIND YOURSELF IT’S NOT PERMANENT; IT WON’T LAST FOREVER
Raising a family is hard. Marriage is hard. There needs to be a lot of hard work and commitment from both sides. Teamwork and communication are vital in making things flow as easily as they can. When one side takes their foot off the gas, resentment can easily set in and make things crash. Remember it’s not a race, but instead, this life we’re given is what we make of it, and we need to enjoy the ride. Life’s too short for bumps in the road that don’t last forever or leave a permanent mark. Stop being gasoline and focus on being more water!
Sometimes we have to take a step back and think to ourselves, we don’t want to be a butthole wife, by pointing our each and fault. We are in control of what we say and how we say it. That right there can set the tone of “what mood” we are in to the other person and how the response to us. When we do that it can show respect in your marriage or friendships that they as people are more important than the situation. And the last time I checked not a single human being is perfect, that being said from a recovering perfectionist with a strong side of defensiveness.
GIVING YOURSELF AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
A while back a friend mentioned to me that she had a co-worker who would set the mood for the entire group. In that case, it was a small drive-thru bank area. Eeek! I’d hate to be confined to a small space with a person like that. Tough to focus on your own controllables when feeling stuck like that. Right?
That completely resonated with me. Man, I don’t want to be that person. I can sure think of a few of them in my office. Shoot, do my coworkers feel that about me? How am I controlling my attitude, something I can wrap myself around and change IF I want to for the sake of everyone in my path that day – week- month?
Joshua Medcalf mentions this several times in his book, Hustle. Waste less energy and stress trying to control things that you cannot. Let it go and focus all that energy on what you can control, your attitude, how you react, how you are spending your 18,600 seconds each day, ya never know when you’re done. So how do you want to be remembered?
I’d likely be remembered as the OCD mother that yelled way too much at her kids, had a clean house, but was bossy and controlling to others while volunteering in her community. Well that ain’t great.
CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN
Since having some courage to tell myself to shut up and snap out of it by 5-4-3-2-1 breath out – Ryan and I have gotten along SOOOO much better the last few months. It actually seems like we are dating again, and having a better marriage! (Not trying to steal words from Rachel Hollis, and be cliché, just feels that way and it’s been a-maz-ing if ya catch my drift Wink, double wink!!) Less control, less resentment, more being available to help assist, more confidence, and more affection. You both deserve it! (No more playing possum at night!!) HA! If you need to work on your confidence muscles, you’ll want to check out my other post, Crust Your Self Doubt.
The kids don’t have to be victims of the crossfires we spraying at each other. Instead, I just laugh it off or poke fun at those irritating situations. Breaking into a kitchen dance parties is happening a lot more than it used too. It feels like I can take deep belly breath these days, and not feel so trapped in my chest cavity and unable to relax. EVEN this holiday season this has been the case. Who knew? Always remember, you are all on the same team, a team that you deeply love. You got this!!
TAKING OWNERSHIP OF YOURSELF
Another instance of this, I was continually going to the chiropractor to get my upper back adjusted. I felt like I was constantly in pain no matter what I did. The pain between my shoulders was so unbearable at times tears would fill my eyes while checking the baby monitor.
I was trying doorway stretches and rolling on my foam roller so much that Gracyn started adapting to it being out in the living room for a new teething chew toy. Adjustments weren’t holding and I was eating through my Health Savings Account money like crazy. Like throwing my time and money out the window only to get more frustrated.
Granted in the meantime I was overwhelmed with all the work stress and carrying Gracyn around way too long in the infant carrier didn’t help build that all up, but my everyday reactions were not fixing anything by any means with a shitty attitude.
My original chiropractors moved but they hired a good replacement so I ditched the other I was seeing. Dr. Mitch from Hawk Nation Health Center noticed after a few visits I wasn’t relaxing, therefore the adjustments weren’t making any difference or holding. He taught me belly breathing and stretching to strengthen that area of my back. It was like a chain reaction of life shifting back into place like it should and here I am now having the energy to take on a passion!
Have the courage – ability to take action in the face of fear, uncertainty, self-doubt, or hesitation. Courage IS taking ACTION in what you have control over.
That being said, how are you controlling your day? What’s depleting you? What’s filling you up? Not just over a short-term stressful season – think of normal living and control your controllables.